She's Off It Again

These past few weeks I have been suffering so bad with having emotional breakdowns and having bad days. Although my sister gave birth to my gorgeous nephew (a blog post will follow) and he puts a smile on my face everyday, I still get some moments when I switched. Nothing to say but feeling like utter sh*t. 

When I feel like utter sh*t, there is no speaking to me unless you want me to upset you. I don't feel like doing anything, don't want to be around anymore, or anyone to touch me. I'm not really a hugger and I'm not very good at opening up with my emotions and tell people 'I'm fine' when I will actually be in bed wiping the tears off my face. Even on bad days I won't cancel my plans as I don't want to sound 'anti-social' or 'rude' so I go out and sometimes it can help distract me but sometimes it can make me worse. 

Phones are such a distraction - I'll be doing something productive whether its mediating through my colouring book, blogging, reading, and taking photographs etc - yet I'll go on my phone for a quick scroll and I'll still be on it 10 minutes + later - and usually it will be for nothing important. So this time around I have decided that I am actually gonna do a social media detox. I've set myself a timescale for now as Saturday I have a busy day with some friends so I have taken myself off social media Sunday to Friday to see how I feel within the week. I have decided to limit my Twitter use as I need this for my blogging and I have kept my Instagram as I use this to message quite a few people and use it for inspiration for certain things. But Facebook, Messenger and Snapchat - I've Offloaded and turned notifications off on my iPhone. Social media detoxing has become more of a thing as I've seen quite a lot of people post about detoxing and how it has been beneficial to them and their mental health. 

People who know me, know I am obsessed with social media. I post so much on Snapchat that my friends laugh that some days my story can be 5 minutes long and that people could actually write what I do daily. I love posting all my pictures on Facebook and tagging friends in memes. I rarely post statuses - trust me you know the 'On this Day' memories thing on Facebook, I cringe everyday at what I used to post when I was younger. God knows why people liked them statuses too haha. I post so much on Instagram too but I'm sticking by this rule - Keep Instagram but DO NOT post anything until I feel ready.  I have become aware that I am more of a scroller. Scrolling through social media has became a big thing in what I and I think everybody does, but it has got to the point where I feel low in self-confidence, self-worth and I find myself doubting myself and feel demotivated and worried of what people think compared to what I think. I struggle to say No so I don't disappoint anyone. I see so much of what people around my age post and sometimes it makes me feel like I haven't accomplished much in my life. I still need to realise that people move at a different time scale. 

I'm exhausted. And I know it's just that inner voice in my head not giving myself a break and is constantly questioning what I am doing and how people would react to what I am and am not doing. I am also questioning myself on whether or not my family and friends would be proud of what I have achieved or are they disappointed? Especially as I graduated last year in Early Childhood Studies yet work in Accounts in a Car Hire place. I get constant questions off people (who I do know they just want the best for me) of why I'm not using my degree and if I am ever going to etc. I literally don't have any answers for them. And when I'm getting constantly asked I then go into a little breakdown inside because I sound like such a disappointment. 

I think having a social media detox will do me some good as I won't be feeling so negative when I wake up or when I'm going to bed. I won't feel anxious or set any high standards. I know you may think 'But isn't Instagram the worst for it yet your keeping it?' - Yes I'm keeping it but I get sent daily positivity quotes which I love waking up and smiling to and I get inspiration for certain things on there. So I'm keeping it to a bare minimum. I'm keeping the scrolling to a zero so I don't come across any of the Social Media Influencers. I'm basically just using my messages and the Explore page for Inspiration on food, travel, quotes and style/decor. 

So I'll give yous all an update on how the detox goes after the weekend and if it did me any good. Also, make sure to keep updated when I will finally announce my amazing nephew :)